According to my faith.......

Today has been a really trying day for me. I had a fitful night, worrying about bills that I have got to pay, with no money to pay them. I told Gene, my boyfriend, that I needed hist be help, but I do not believe that he will. What worries me as well is that when I need him, he fails me, and I know that if he fails me this time, I don't know if I am going to continue on with him. I am past tired of giving my all, only to come up empty myself. I had a dream about my brother cleve, too. I was at work standing in front of the deli case, reaching down to lift something out of the case. As I looked up, he walked up to me and said, hey! Then he smiled at me and waved. At just that moment I woke up. For a while, it was as if he was still here with us, and that dreadful day was only a horrific nightmare- the day when osteosarcoma took his life. I miss him, and regret that I never told him how much he meant to me. Its a bitter pill to swallow, but I have learned to never, ever take the ones you love for granted. If you love someone , hold them near and dear to your heart,and make sure they know, without a doubt, that you love them. I am still a work in progress, but you can say that jami has grown up- its time to face up to life again, to stop living in fear and darkness. In time,I know that God will complete the work he has started in my life. Without understanding the "how", I know that I will recover from the need to kill myself with a knife and fork.